Confused at times

It’s been a long time since I wrote about my thoughts, my feelings, situations I was in. 

It’s time to reopen that department in me, because as I can see I am going back instead of moving forward. And it’s the worst thing that can happen to me. 

LA changed me a lot. I became more independent, more thoughtful about tomorrow, about the future. Also I feel like I am a housewife, and the thing is I am not upset about that. I feel proud that I am working, I am independent, I do a lot of housework, I cook, I study at the age of 19. I would feel much more proud if i did it earlier than 19. Only a husband and kids are missing. 

It’s a joke, because 19 is way too early for that. So if you get married, make sure he is the right person.  

I always dreamt differently on that topic. I imagined something from movies, and still imagining, waiting for it to become reality. Please, don’t think I live in fairy tales. No, I do realize how life works, what I need to do, but for love I want something different, and I know it can be true some day. 

Here in LA my friends are age 40+ women and it’s okay for me, I don’t see much difference between us, neither do they. The only thing I worry about is that I should be friends with girls my age, but I can’t. I don’t like talking to them, I don’t feel comfortable around them. I know the problem comes from me. Or maybe it’s just I didn’t meet the right people. 

In one word - I am “confused at times”, but don’t let confusion waste your time.